Quick answer: Anal training means gradually introducing your body to anal stimulation over multiple sessions, starting with external touch, progressing to a well-lubed finger, then small toys, and eventually whatever your comfort goal is. Each stage should feel good (or at least neutral) before you move on. The whole process typically takes one to four weeks of regular practice, with sessions of 10-20 minutes. The non-negotiables: always use lube, never push through pain, and only progress when your body is genuinely ready, not when your impatience says it should be.
So you've decided you're curious about anal play, and now you're staring at a search engine wondering how people actually get to the point where they enjoy it. This is the guide. Anal training is the process of gradually teaching your body (specifically your sphincter muscles) to relax and accept stimulation comfortably. Nobody's born ready for this, and anyone who tells you to "just relax" without giving you a plan is being unhelpful.
Why training matters (your anatomy explained simply)
You have two sphincter muscles around your anus. The external sphincter is the one you control, you can squeeze and release it voluntarily. The internal sphincter operates on autopilot; it clenches reflexively when something approaches, and it only releases when you're genuinely relaxed and your body trusts the situation.
This is why the "just relax" advice fails. You can't voluntarily override the internal sphincter the way you can the external one. What you can do is train it over time through gentle, repeated exposure until it learns that stimulation in this area isn't a threat. That's literally all anal training is: teaching your internal sphincter to stand down.
The tissue lining the anal canal is also thinner and more delicate than vaginal tissue. It doesn't self-lubricate. It can develop microtears if you rush. This isn't meant to scare you, it's meant to explain why patience isn't just a nice idea, it's a physical requirement.
Before you start: your prep checklist
- A thick water-based lubricant. Not thin, not flavoured, not warming. Thick and unscented. You will use more than you expect.
- Short, smooth fingernails. File them down. Even a small rough edge can scratch the delicate tissue.
- A small silicone toy with a flared base if you want to progress beyond fingers. A beginner plug set with 2-3 graduated sizes is ideal. We stock a range of anal toys from trusted brands in our butt plug collection, look for medical-grade silicone, a tapered tip, and a base wide enough that it physically cannot travel further than you want.
- A towel you don't love. Lube gets everywhere. Accept it.
- Privacy and at least 20 minutes without interruption. Rushing is the enemy.
- A shower beforehand. That's enough prep for external play and finger exploration. You don't need an enema.
Stage 1: external play only (days 1-3)
Don't put anything inside yet. Seriously. This stage is about getting your body used to being touched in this area without tensing up.
After a warm shower, lie on your side or back with your knees drawn up, whatever's comfortable. Apply lube generously to your fingers and the external area. Use the pad of your finger (not the tip) to massage in slow circles around the anus. Vary the pressure: light, then slightly firmer, then light again.
Focus on breathing. Deep belly breaths. You'll probably notice that when you exhale deeply, the muscles around the anus naturally release a little. That's the internal sphincter relaxing. Get familiar with that feeling.
Do this for 10-15 minutes per session, every day or every other day for a few days. If at any point you notice the muscles starting to let go and the pad of your finger naturally dips in slightly, that's your body telling you it's starting to trust the process. Don't chase it, just notice it.
Stage 2: gentle insertion, one finger (days 4-7)
When external massage feels comfortable and even enjoyable, you're ready to try inserting the tip of one finger. Not the whole finger, the first knuckle.
Relube everything. Position the pad of your finger against the opening and apply steady, gentle pressure. Don't push. Just hold the pressure and breathe. On a deep exhale, the internal sphincter will start to release. Let your finger ease in as the muscle opens. If it doesn't open, remove the pressure, circle the area again for a minute, and try again.
Once the tip is in, just hold still. Breathe. Let the sphincter get used to the stretch. After a minute, try gently pressing toward your belly button (toward the front of your body). This is the direction of the prostate for those who have one, and it's generally the most comfortable angle for everyone.
Only go deeper when you feel the muscle genuinely relax around the first knuckle. If a full finger feels like too much in this session, stop at one knuckle. You haven't failed, you've done exactly what your body was ready for.
Stage 3: movement and the second finger (week 2)
Once a single finger slides in comfortably and you can move it in and out slowly without tensing, you can start adding gentle motion: in-out, circular, pressing side to side. Notice what feels good and what feels neutral. Both are fine. You're mapping your own anatomy here.
When you're ready, try two fingers held together. Same approach: lube generously, press gently, wait for the exhale, let the muscle open. Two fingers is a significant size increase from one, so expect this to take a few sessions before it's comfortable. That's normal. The internal sphincter has to learn a new stretch diameter.
Something people don't talk about enough: there's a moment during insertion where the sphincter first stretches and then "pops" over the widest point, and everything suddenly feels easier. That pop is the external sphincter accepting the width. Once you're past it, the internal sphincter usually follows within a few breaths.
Stage 4: your first toy (week 2-3)
When two fingers feel comfortable, you're ready for a small toy. A beginner plug or a slim vibrating anal toy is ideal, browse our butt plug collection for options. Vibration isn't just for pleasure at this stage, the gentle buzz actually helps the pelvic floor muscles relax, which makes insertion easier. Look for something tapered, silicone, and with a flared base.
Apply lube to the toy and to yourself. Position the tip against the opening. Same breathing, same patience. Let the tapered shape do the work, the whole point of a taper is that it gradually widens so the sphincter adjusts centimetre by centimetre instead of all at once.
Once it's seated comfortably, just leave it. Sit with it. Watch something on your phone. Let your body adjust to the feeling of fullness without doing anything sexual. This is training, not performance. The goal is normalising the sensation.
After 10-15 minutes, gently remove it (slow exhale, gentle pull, don't yank). Clean the toy, clean yourself, and congratulate your body on being very clever.
Stage 5: sizing up and adding pleasure (week 3-4)
If your beginner plug feels comfortable and you can insert and remove it without any resistance or discomfort, you can move to the next size in a graduated set, or start using your current toy during masturbation or partnered play.
This is where training starts to merge with actual pleasure. Wearing a plug during clitoral stimulation, for example, adds a feeling of fullness that many people find makes orgasms noticeably more intense. Using a vibrating anal toy during penetrative sex (vaginal or otherwise) adds sensation for both people.
Your progression from here depends entirely on your goal. Some people train up to comfortably receive a partner for anal sex. Some want to wear a plug for extended periods. Some are working toward pegging (Pegging Guide for Beginners). Some just want a small plug in their bedside drawer for special occasions. All of these are valid endpoints. There is no "final level."
How to know you're ready to progress
Move to the next stage when all four of these are true.
- The current stage feels comfortable, not just tolerable. There's a real difference.
- You can relax around the current size within a minute or two of insertion.
- There's no pain or lingering soreness after a session.
- You genuinely want to try more, not because you feel like you should.
If any of those aren't true, spend more time on the current stage. This is not a race. The people who enjoy anal play long-term are the ones who let each stage become easy before moving on.
What to do if things aren't going well
"I can't get past the external stage"
Totally normal, especially if you carry tension in your pelvic floor (common in people who sit at desks all day, people with anxiety, and people who've had pelvic trauma). Try a warm bath before your session. Some people find that doing a few minutes of deep breathing or pelvic floor relaxation exercises first makes a real difference.
"It keeps hurting even with lube"
Check three things. First: is the lube thick enough? Thin, watery lubes don't provide enough cushion. Second: are your nails short and smooth? Third: are you actually giving the sphincter time to release, or are you pushing past its resistance? If you've addressed all three and it still hurts, take a full week off and start again from stage 1.
"I lose interest halfway through"
Combine training with something you actually enjoy. Listen to music, watch something, add clitoral or penile stimulation. Training doesn't have to be clinical. Making it pleasurable actually helps your body associate the area with good feelings, which speeds up the whole process.
"I feel like I need to use the bathroom"
This is very common in the early stages and it's almost always a false signal. The nerves in the rectal area don't perfectly distinguish between "something in here" and "something needs to come out." Your brain will learn the difference with practice. If the feeling makes you anxious, use the bathroom before your session so you know intellectually that you're empty.
A note on consistency
Anal training works best when sessions are regular: every day or every other day. Long gaps between sessions mean the internal sphincter partly resets, and you end up re-covering ground. If you can commit to 10-15 minutes three to four times a week, you'll see steady progress. If life gets in the way and you miss a week, just drop back one stage and work forward again. It'll go faster the second time.
Related reads
Keep going: Complete Guide to Anal Play · Best Anal Toys for Beginners · Pegging Guide for Beginners · Prostate Pleasure Guide
FAQs
How long does anal training take?
Most people reach comfortable single-finger insertion within a week and comfortable small-toy insertion within two to three weeks. Going from a small plug to a partner or larger toy usually takes another two to four weeks. Total: roughly one to two months for most goals, though some people move faster and some slower. Your body sets the timeline.
Do I need to do an enema before every session?
No. A regular shower is enough for finger and small-toy play. The rectum is usually empty between bowel movements. If you want extra confidence, a small warm-water bulb-syringe rinse is fine, but don't overdo it, frequent enemas can irritate the bowel lining. Save the deeper prep for larger toys or partnered play if it makes you feel better.
Can I train every day?
Yes, as long as there's no soreness. If you feel raw, tender, or irritated, take a rest day. Overdoing it is counterproductive because your body starts to associate the area with discomfort instead of pleasure.
What if I've been training for weeks and I'm still struggling?
Some people have chronically tight pelvic floors or conditions like levator ani syndrome that make sphincter relaxation much harder. If you've been patient and consistent and it's still not working, a pelvic floor physiotherapist can help. This is literally what they do, and they won't judge you. In the UK, NHS Sexual Health Services can help you find a specialist.
Will I ever get to the point where it just feels good automatically?
For most people, yes. Once the training phase is done and your body has learned to relax into anal stimulation, it starts to feel good from the start rather than requiring a warm-up. The nerve endings don't change, your relationship with them does.
Sources
- Goldstein, I. et al. (2017). The Textbook of Clinical Sexual Medicine. Springer. — sphincter anatomy and training physiology.
- Komisaruk, B. R. et al. (2011). The Science of Orgasm. Johns Hopkins University Press. — pelvic nerve pathways.
- Herbenick, D. et al. (2015). Pain experienced during vaginal and anal intercourse. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(4), 1040-1051.
- NHS Sexual Health Services — sexual health support in the UK.