Quick answer: Pegging is when one partner anally penetrates another using a strap-on dildo. It's most commonly associated with a woman penetrating a man, but pegging applies to any combination of bodies and identities. Done well, it combines prostate stimulation (which can produce intense, full-body orgasms) with a power dynamic shift that many couples find exciting. The keys: solo anal training beforehand, a proper harness and body-safe dildo, absurd amounts of lube, and a level of communication that'll make every other part of your sex life better too.
Pegging has gone from whispered-about to openly discussed faster than most sexual topics. A 2023 survey found that one in five UK adults under 40 is either curious about pegging or has already tried it. And yet finding a straight-talking guide that isn't either weirdly clinical or trying too hard to be edgy is surprisingly difficult. So here's one.
What pegging actually is (and isn't)
Pegging is penetrative anal sex using a strap-on. The giving partner wears a harness fitted with a dildo and penetrates the receiving partner anally. That's it. It's a sexual activity, not an identity statement, not a power play (unless you want it to be), and not a reflection of anyone's sexual orientation.
The term was coined in 2001 by sex columnist Dan Savage after a reader contest to name the act. Before that, it happened without a label. Now it has one, which has made it much easier to search for information about it, buy products for it, and talk about it without a five-minute preamble.
Why people enjoy it
For the receiving partner
The prostate gland sits a few centimetres inside the rectum, toward the front of the body. It responds to gentle pressure in a way that many people describe as deep, warm, and completely different from penile stimulation. Prostate orgasms can be full-body experiences that don't require any penile touch at all. Not everyone achieves them immediately, but the potential is real and well-documented (Komisaruk et al., 2011).
Beyond the prostate, there's the novelty of receiving. For people who are typically the penetrating partner in their sex life, being on the other side of the dynamic can feel genuinely revelatory. It requires vulnerability, trust, and a willingness to be physically guided by someone else. A lot of couples say this shift makes them feel closer.
For the giving partner
Many giving partners report that the harness and dildo provide indirect stimulation through pressure on the clitoris and pubic bone during thrusting. Some harnesses are designed with a pocket for a small vibrator against the giving partner's body. But the physical side is only part of it.
The psychological experience of pegging can be intensely pleasurable for the giving partner too. Seeing your partner be that vulnerable, that trusting, and that responsive to what you're doing is a powerful form of intimacy. Couples consistently report that pegging strengthens their communication and trust (Kleinplatz, 2009).
The conversation: how to bring it up
This is the part most guides rush past, and it's the part that matters most. Bringing up pegging requires honesty from whoever raises it and openness from whoever hears it.
If you want to receive
Bring it up outside of the bedroom, when you're both relaxed and not already mid-session. Something like: "I've been reading about prostate stimulation and I'd really like to try it with you. Would you be open to talking about it?" Direct, no hedging, no apologising for the curiosity.
If your partner has questions, answer them honestly. If they need time to think, give it to them. If they say no, respect it completely. This is a two-enthusiastic-yeses activity.
If you want to give
Same principle: outside the bedroom, direct, curious rather than pushy. "I've been thinking about trying pegging, it's something that turns me on and I think it could feel really good for both of us. What do you think?" Frame it as mutual. Because it is.
If the receiving partner is nervous about the physical side, point them to our anal training guide. The fear of pain is almost always the biggest barrier, and it's completely solvable with preparation.
Gear: what you need
A harness
Harnesses come in three main styles: underwear-style (pull on like briefs), two-strap (a waistband with thigh straps), and thigh-strap (worn on the thigh for a different angle). For beginners, an underwear-style harness is the most stable and easiest to fit. Look for one with a reinforced O-ring that holds the dildo firmly in place without wobbling.
Adjustable straps matter. Bodies are different sizes and the harness needs to sit snug against the pelvis for the giving partner to have control. A floppy harness is the fastest way to kill the mood.
A dildo
For your first time, go small and smooth. A slim, silicone dildo around 12-14cm (5-5.5 inches) in length and 3-3.5cm (1.2-1.4 inches) in diameter is a sensible starting point. Browse our butt plug collection for options. It should be shorter and slimmer than you think you need, the receiving partner's comfort determines the pace, not the product.
The dildo must be compatible with the harness (check the O-ring diameter) and it should have a wide, flat base that sits flush against the harness. A wobbly dildo that pops out mid-stroke is not the vibe anyone's going for.
Silicone is the right material for the same reasons it's right for everything else: non-porous, easy to clean, body temperature adaptable, and safe for internal use.
Lube
Thick water-based lube. Lots of it. The anus doesn't self-lubricate, and a silicone dildo moving in and out creates friction that thin lube can't handle. Apply lube to the dildo, to the receiving partner, and keep the bottle within arm's reach for reapplication. You will reapply. Several times.
Optional: a small vibrator for the giving partner
Some harnesses have a pocket for a bullet vibrator against the giving partner's clitoris. This is a genuinely good idea, pegging is more fun for everyone when both partners are being stimulated. VUSH's Empress Tidal or Luna would work well here. Empress Tidal's Pleasure Wave tech is particularly useful because it provides broad, consistent stimulation without needing to be repositioned.
Preparation: the receiving partner
If the receiving partner hasn't done any anal play before, they need to train first. We're not being dramatic, skipping this step is the number one reason first-time pegging goes badly. Our Anal Training Step-by-Step guide covers the full progression. The short version: start with external touch, then a finger, then a small toy, and only attempt pegging when a toy roughly the same diameter as the dildo is comfortable.
On the day itself: eat lightly a few hours beforehand, shower, do a small warm-water rinse with a bulb syringe if that makes you feel more confident (it's optional), and spend some time warming up with fingers or a small toy before the harness comes out. Going from zero to dildo is not the plan.
The actual technique
Positioning
For your first time, two positions work best. Receiving partner on their back with knees drawn up gives the giving partner the most control and allows eye contact and communication. Receiving partner on all fours gives good access but less eye contact, some couples feel less connected in this position for their first time.
Side-by-side (spooning) is also excellent for beginners because the angle is gentle and the giving partner can't go too deep. Try it if the other positions feel too intense.
Insertion
The giving partner positions the tip of the dildo against the receiving partner's anus, with lube on both. The receiving partner controls the pace: they push back onto the dildo at their own speed. The giving partner holds still. This is the most important instruction in this entire guide. The receiving partner drives the insertion.
Once the dildo is in, hold still. Let the sphincter adjust. Breathe together. Only start moving when the receiving partner says they're ready.
Movement
Start with slow, shallow strokes. The prostate sits only a few centimetres in, so depth is less important than angle. Aim slightly toward the receiving partner's belly button, that's the prostate direction. Circular or rocking motions often feel better than straight in-and-out in the early stages.
Speed and depth increase only when the receiving partner asks for it. The giving partner checks in: "More?" "Faster?" "Stay there?" This isn't just polite, it's the entire point. Pegging works because of the communication loop, not despite it.
Hands
The giving partner's hands are free. Use them. Stroke the receiving partner's back, chest, penis, inner thighs. The receiving partner's hands are free too, they can touch themselves, hold the giving partner's hips, brace against the bed. Pegging is a full-body activity, not a pelvic-only one.
After: the part people forget
Aftercare matters. Pegging involves vulnerability, trust, and a dynamic shift that can leave both partners feeling a lot of things. Talk about what felt good. Laugh about what was awkward. Physical closeness, cuddling, holding each other, a shared shower, helps both partners land back in their normal dynamic.
Clean the dildo and harness. Warm water, mild soap. If the dildo is pure silicone and non-vibrating, you can boil it. The harness fabric should be washed according to its care instructions. Don't skip this.
Common concerns
"What if there's a mess?"
It can happen. The rectum is usually empty between bowel movements, and a light rinse beforehand reduces the chance further. But anal play is anal play, and occasionally there's a small amount of matter. Put a dark towel down, keep wet wipes nearby, and agree in advance that if it happens, it's handled calmly and without shame. Every couple who does this regularly has dealt with it. It's fine.
"Does this make him gay / me dominant / our relationship different?"
Pegging is an activity, not an identity. Enjoying prostate stimulation has nothing to do with sexual orientation, it has to do with anatomy. Nerve endings don't check your preferences. As for dynamics: pegging shifts the usual pattern, which is exactly why many couples find it so intimate. It doesn't rewrite your relationship; it adds a new dimension to it.
"What if one of us doesn't enjoy it?"
That's completely valid. Not every sexual activity works for every person or every couple. Try it once with realistic expectations, debrief honestly, and decide together whether to try again, adjust something, or move on. There's no obligation to love it.
"What if the dildo won't go in?"
More lube, more warm-up, and possibly a smaller dildo. If the receiving partner hasn't done their anal training, start there. If they have and it's still not working, try a gentler position (spooning), more foreplay, or call it a practice run and try again another night. No one gets a gold star for forcing it.
Related reads
Complete Guide to Anal Play · Anal Training Step-by-Step · Best Anal Toys for Beginners · Prostate Pleasure Guide
FAQs
How big should the dildo be for first-time pegging?
Around 12-14cm long and 3-3.5cm in diameter. Think slightly smaller than an average banana. The receiving partner should have comfortably trained with a toy of similar size before attempting pegging, the warmth and movement of a partner add intensity, so the dildo itself shouldn't be a stretch.
Do you need a special dildo for pegging or will any dildo work?
You need a dildo with a flat, wide base that fits securely in a harness O-ring. Standard dildos with suction-cup bases often work, but check the base diameter against your harness specs. The dildo should not wobble or pop out when pressure is applied from different angles.
Can pegging cause injury?
Not when done properly. The combination of adequate lube, proper warm-up, gradual insertion controlled by the receiving partner, and stopping at any sign of pain keeps things safe. Injuries occur when people skip preparation, use inadequate lube, or push through discomfort. Follow the steps in this guide and you'll be fine.
How do you clean a strap-on harness?
Remove the dildo and wash it separately with warm water and mild soap (or boil it if it's solid silicone). The fabric harness should be hand-washed or machine-washed on a gentle cycle, depending on the material. Leather harnesses need leather-specific cleaner. Always dry completely before storing.
Can both partners orgasm from pegging?
Yes. The receiving partner can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, from prostate stimulation combined with penile touch, or from the overall intensity of the experience. The giving partner can orgasm from the indirect clitoral pressure of the harness, from a vibrator worn against the body, or from the psychological intensity. Both orgasming during the same session is possible but not the goal — connection is the goal.
Sources
- Komisaruk, B. R. et al. (2011). The Science of Orgasm. Johns Hopkins University Press.
- Kleinplatz, P. J. (2009). Lessons from great lovers. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 35(4).
- Goldstein, I. et al. (2017). The Textbook of Clinical Sexual Medicine. Springer.
- NHS Sexual Health Services — sexual health guidance in the UK.