So you went on a date. You, of course, were gorgeous and charming. They, however, spoke about their ingrown toenail at length as you stared into the depths of your drink and prayed for an asteroid to hit the bar.
They obviously weren’t able to read the room and have just sent you the “I had fun tonight, would love to see you again” message. Oh no.
You restrain yourself from flinging your phone across the room in disgust, and instead stare at the message wondering Is it really so bad if I don’t reply? Can’t I just ghost them?
For those of you not in the know, ‘ghosting’ is when a person cuts off all communication with someone with zero warning or explanation. It’s pretty brutal. However, no one is ever entitled to your time and energy. If someone has made you uncomfortable or unsafe, ghost away. But if someone just isn’t giving you butterflies, or they keep their ketchup in the fridge and you simply can’t look past that, then here are some neat options to indicate your lack of interest without going ghost.
1. Fake your own death
Think about it. You could be so happy living alone in the mountains. They’ll always fondly remember you and what might have been.
2. Perform an elaborate interpretative dance explaining your lack of compatibility
Whilst you’ll be running the risk of seducing them with your sweet, sweet dance moves, it’s a high-risk high-reward choice.
3. Use a Ouija board to spell it out for them
Get into the spirit of things and have your Great Great Great Grandfather pass on the news that you’re not feeling a second date.
4. Stalk your ex on Instagram
Go on, we know you’re doing it anyway. Maybe you’ll realise this person wasn’t that bad in comparison!
5. Befriend their mother
Hear me out: “I couldn’t possibly date my friend’s child, that would be so weird!"
6. Leave the country
Really channel that ‘catch flights, not feelings’ energy by straight up taking your ‘no way’ international.
7. Scare them off
If you don’t want to be the bad guy, force their hand. Start talking about your flat earth beliefs, make them a friendship bracelet out of your own hair, explain you don’t think birds are real - just go wild.
8. Send the rejection by owl
Not only do you not have to face them, but they’ll be enchanted by the magical mail delivery, and you get to make a new owl friend! What a hoot!
9. Marry them
If these first eight suggestions aren’t doing it for you, then this might be your only option. Make sure to put a VUSH BUNDLE on your wedding registry, you’re going to need it.
10. Just text them back
It’s easy, it’s polite, and you can immediately stop stressing about it. A simple “It was nice to meet you, but the spark wasn’t there for me. Take care!” and you can both move on with your day and your lives.
Once you’ve successfully let them know you’re just not that into them, reward your happily single self with some self love and SHOP THE VUSH RANGE!SHOP NOW